I should have kicked her out immediately and filed for divorce. Obviously you want to do things they would enjoy--especially action oriented activities. I only wish I had done it MUCH SOONER. What this means for me is If he wants to pick an argument or indulge in another round of self pity, I dont have to join in. He Never Asks Your Opinion. You went into survival mode and I think a lot of cheaters do. Self-destruct, and take the easy way out. My husband never wants to go out and do things. being a friend to. Two key things: our passion and our principles.. Speak with your doctor about whether you even have anything to disclose at this point. Because he is home 24/7 the bills have increased. our relationship is so confusing. No, no one wins we just keeping moving forward. I value your opinion so I really appreciate your comments. If your spouse feels like youre always trying to get him to do things or constantly talking to him, it can be tough to want to spend time with you. I think I need to do the same, start giving myself the self respect and stop basing it on my h assessments of me. Prior to having children, we had an active social life. It sucks. All for some worthless, bunny boiling slut. His lack of reactions kind of gave me permission to just carry on flirting. 6. Thank you exercise grace and for cryinoutloud, I appreciate your kind words. But if you strongly believe: My husband doesn t like spending time with my family and me, it might not be personal. Now, us men stood there and talked about the normal stuffsports, work, kids and yes, one of the other guys did do just a little wife-bashing. My h was telling me on the weekend how his mistress told him, if I didnt want my children, how she would be so happy to raise them with him. Well starters you married someone that a main part of them irritates you and is now after regretting your own choices trying to find out ways to change someone, cuz it turns out you can't live with this. Stay strong. We'd like to take this time to remind users that: We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? I finally decided that she will never appreciate how much I did for herbefore or after her cheating. Strong words eg thanks. All lies he makes up to mess with her head. He never raises his voice. Cuz if he doesn't communicate whatsoever, you're really just communicating with yourself. It may be kind of obscure sometimes but its there. I can definitely relate to feeling like my husband never wants to do anything with me. She was not invested like I was. I only vent here. In that case, likely, hes just trying to better himself. Thankfully, my h told her, there is no way I will take the children away from their mother. I agree with you. He has no ideas, no desire to do simple fun or actively engage with me on anything. My dumb self will tag along because "it's at least something". I am normally a fun person and outgoing, but even that has faded away. You deserve it, you seem like a very nice lady. This short guide tells you what you need to know to survive the affair, heal yourself and emerge on the other side a stronger person. Yes, this is selfish behavior but we ALL have our emotional limits. Try to understand and support his new goals. All of these will be removed and locked. In other words, I'm a good person! He has not worked in almost a year because it has gotten worse. He needs to stop using his depression as an excuse for not putting effort in this relationship and if it's this bad he needs to get it under control and start on medication or start seeing someone. Friday may 31st will be divorce day. It can take months for them to grasp the idea that they and they alone are responsible for the choices they made and the ensuing crap storm that resulted. Its not just you and him against the world. So, if your husband is always working on projects around the house or taking care of the kids, he may be trying to show you how much he cares. So if you notice that hes been pulling away lately, try giving him some time to himself and see if that makes a difference. I brought it up in marriage counseling and the counselor said if he was bored it was because he was boring. They are selfishly seeking attention, with NO intention of giving up their real relationship. They go into a mode of I am such a good person, it must be YOUR fault that I did such an awful thing. He either doesn't want to be seen with her or he doesn't want someone else to see him while he is with her. What a crock! Plus, he flatly turned down my request that he get counseling or even that WE get counseling. I ask because I feel exactly the same way as you. I guess if Ive found any silver lining in my situation it has been establishing a value of self worth that cannot be skewed by anyone and as was said before no more blind faith. Its so true, if my h wants to choose slutty over me, then go right ahead, I deserve better in my life and my expectations are much higher, I deserve so much better, as we all do. When it comes to a conclusion my husband doesn t want to spend time with me, an affair is one of the most common reasons. and we started dating. They just werent invested, and I believe it has to do with how they felt about themselves at the time. I even take our children to the seaside on my own. My husband I really never really used to go anywhere much due to work so we never really thought a time share would benefit us. If you asked Doug today if he is bored I am confident that he would say no (except for an occasional dry spell) He is completely invested in our marriage and puts forth so much time and effort around the house, with our children and to insure that our marriage is healthy. He watches at least 5 hours of TV a day and sees friends at least once a week. They can't find the words to properly articulate their feelings, an issue, or a problem. If your spouse is dealing with depression or anxiety, they may not want to do anything, let alone spend time with you and your family. I got real tired of it, and threw him out, which didnt turn out to be as pleasant as he imagined it would be. Particularly in a long term relationship. It was his stress and depression and need for escape. We can only imagine how his own eyes and mind were deceiving him. At the same time, dont neglect your own needs. And he needs to answer those questions. Remember what the marriage vows say? There will be peace in it being OVER, pursuing it would likely not be worth the emotional cost. I also lived in constant fear that she would get bored again and run back to him. He keeps telling me I did nothing wrong, there was nothing I could have done better or different. Originally Published: Dec. 27, 2015. I hate how uncomfortable and insecure this makes me feel in our marriage. This doesn't stop my husband going back to the UK for shooting trips, even though he knows that I am not at all pleased. If your husband used to spend a lot of time with you and now you complain: my husband never wants to do anything with me, it can be confusing and hurtful. Yet he is still here, just as is your h. Why couldnt he show me that he could drop her, when I was feeling good about myself. Then I feel hurt when he doesnt. With empty nesthood approaching fast they were concerned that the rest of their lives were going to be lifeless and dull. Doug, Linda, anyone elseone topic I would love to see discussed: how do you handle ti when the topic of affairs comes up in discussion with friends, etc. Use that time to bond with him, leash-train and you should be good. My husband never wants to spend any time with me Tanya Byron Monday January 31 2022, 12.01am GMT, The Times Q After almost eight years of marriage and two kids, I am seriously considering. Nikada / iStock. Don't be shy with your partner. Eg, unfortunately with my h cousin it, she thought it was and when it looked like she could use it she threw herself at him like a bitch on heat. He helps make meals or we dont eat. The truth lies in the middle, where two selfish people made themselves look like all that and they were both stupid enough to think that someone who was willing to lie and deceive their spouse would magically be some honest, ethical person with THEM. If youve gained a lot of weight, let your hair go gray, or stopped caring about your appearance, its possible your husband no longer finds you attractive. At least mine was, for a while. Tell them, openly and honestly, how important travel is to you. He will not permit me to go out with friends or anywhere even the grocery store without his being with me. Devoted my life to him and my children..worked at a job I hated for the money and where am I know? We both are. My H never wants to do anything and has called his existence dead with me and that she awakened him. When you and your spouse are talking, put down your cell phone, set aside distractions, and focus on each other. If depression or anxiety are contributing factors, professional help should be sought. Prior to our experience with infidelity Linda had always been the family organizer and planner and she did a hell of a job. Two years ago he was an ER physician, today he spent 10 minutes trying to figure out how to open the refrigerator. He has let his hair grow long and messy and refuses to get a haircut. It is just easier to blame someone else rather than looking within. Now he puts extra hours at work and prefers to spend time with his friends. Like go to the grocery store, go to the pool, go to sport practice, go anywhere! I feel trapped and I dont want to live life separately from him, but I really have no choice but to move on and do things on my own. The most irksome part of this entire process is that it is completely backward from what it should be. We've been married for almost 30 years and have 2 children, aged 16 and 18. When he does help out he acts like invented electricity. You are so VERY right. Yes! Your email address will not be published. Sometimes I feel like we divorced while staying married. Oh bless you it really does sound very similar.. to the poster who suggested getting others involved, without going into too much detail I did just that. My Husband Never Wants To Do Anything With Me, Because He Is Emotionally Isolated Ignore builds a wall between you and your spouse. Eg, its funny you commented about being a step ford wife, lol. I too told him, I know Im nit perfect , nor will I ever be perfect, but you wont find anyone that loves you more than me. Two key things: our passion and our principles. I know now we got pregnant way too early after the affair becuse Im obviously still struggling in the aftermath. I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year and we have a 8 week old daughter together. I cant help but ask myself is it worth it? I make almost six figures but because the entire household rest on me, it doesn't feel like it. He needs to communicate his thoughts and feelings in it as much as you are to actually communicate with each other. 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