Shes probably just pulling your leg. A Quarter Pounder with Cheese. Are you an elevator? Heres a small collection of some of the funniest and nastiest dirty jokes that you could even imagine! The other watches your snatch. 74. His hairs a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbors an asshole, his bestfriends a pussy, and his owner beats him. Masturbation almost always leads to more. The woman is left behind without any interaction at all. He came out of nowhere. A dirty joke is a joke that is usually considered inappropriate because of its indecent punchline. What do you do if your wife starts smoking? #8. 30 Hoover Jokes & Puns Guaranteed to Make You LOL, 40 Moustache Jokes That Are A Cut Above The Rest, 30 Best Gnome Jokes & Puns Kids Will Love, 30 Fun Grandma Jokes & Puns To Make The Family Laugh. Why do mice have such small balls? What do a gay man and an ambulance have in common? Knock knock. 82. The more you play with it, the harder it gets. A submarine. The Navy Commander said 'Kids these days spent more time dividing than conquering'. I havent given a shit in days. If women drink a glass of red wine, it increases the chance of a stroke. You would never get it! A Lickalotopus. Anal makes your hole weak. Whats the difference between you and an egg? Even after 100 years of being sunk, all the pools are still full. You add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray you dont multiply. Ben Dover and find out! Because they never get any support from anything. Whos there? 48. Whats the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? 12. Whats long and hard and full of semen? Give it to me!" she yelled. Swim down and knock on the hatch. Your girlfriend makes it hard. Or, two falls and a sub mission. Ivana. Whats the difference between a Greyhound terminal and a lobster with boobs? A trip without kids. PRINT EMBED THE COMPLETE LIST OF FUNNY dirty JOKES: . 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. 96. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? Lets play carpenter! Whats the difference between you and the refrigerator? 47. A male whale and a female whale see a fishing boat with a large harpoon. We are often told not to take life too seriously. If you have any questions, please dont hesitate to get in touch. Eh. The Madam is out of women but, since the guy is Polish she thinks she can get away with a blow up doll and he will never know the difference. What does a perverted frog say? What they found out was completely amazing. Why is it so expensive to run a submarine? The problems start when you open too many windows! If you like this post, you will love 110 Most Upvoted Chuck Norris Jokes. Maybe the Titanic really was a ship of dreams Rachel was banging her calculator on the table. 80. They always come in a little behind. Once you open windows, the problems begin. What did the clitoris say to the vulva? #26. Do it now. Because I want to ride you all night long. One is a good year. Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. A coconut. Please pray for who? What do you do if your wife starts smoking? The best marine Whats the difference between you and a pair of glasses? Do I have to provide my signature for your package? Anita who? 20. Whos there? A wet nose. What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? Shes going to eat me! A subwoofer. when it saw its first submarine. What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself? From where does the Somalian coast look best? Knock, knock. Whats the difference between the sound of Oooh! and Aaah!? He worked it out with a pencil. The police put out an alert to look for the two hardened criminals. Theyre stuck up cunts. #101 - 90. Are you looking for some submarine gags and underwater puns? Call and let them hear it. Because they wont stop to ask for directions. when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The best 13 navy submarine jokes. . Weirdly, I've been taking some anti-impotence medication for my sunburn. The more you play with it, the harder it gets. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? I never saw anybody drink that fast.". By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. Did you hear about the man who ejaculated without a penis? Ken is sold separately. It sometimes gets hard when you dont expect it. The wheelchair. They say that during sensual bedtime activities, you burn off as many calories as running eight miles. He was trying to impress the master chief with his expertise learned in submarine school. Because he only comes once a year, and its down your chimney. They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time youre inside them. Whats white and sticky and better to spit out than to swallow? Kermits finger. A trip without kids. A zit will wait until youre twelve before it comes on your face. (In Sweden we have a running tradition of telling jokes about stupid norwegians. 44. "We can't allow animals in the cinema.". "That bad, huh," his friend responded. Most of the middle sections are missing, and the two ends have been pushed together, making it only a 4 foot san. Whats the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? As always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality. #24. 30. She changed the cucumber into a pickle. Why is masturbation just like procrastination? Said the captain as he decommissioned the old submarine. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by. 51. Howie who? Beat it. A screwdriver gets into a limousine and says to the driver, Screw you!. Whats the difference between me/you and a mosquito? They're built with sub-standard materials! #43. What do you call a marine who can't swim? Do you have pants I can borrow? #2. Working on my laptop reminds me of my time on a submarine. 30. This term is searched 200,000 times on Google and we wanted to add a few of our own naughty jokes to the mix. What belongs to used but gets used by everyone else more than you? Why areyoushaking? He used paper and pencil to budget. How is playing bridge similar to hooking up? This week's puns and one liners take the form of Submarine Jokes. How is a girlfriend like a laxative? Very inappropriate (and hilarious) language ahead. Knock knock. The bartender is very impressed and exclaims, "Wow. Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg? 14. Buoy oh buoy! if you do it too long you will go blind. The son replied Dad, Im over here. The admiral shouted, Knock knock. The Best Dirty Submarine Jokes 2022. Russian submarines are best in world, they go mont. #36. What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Ideas for the top 101 dirty jokes were taken from the following sources. How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips? Sometimes the best jokes are the dirty jokes. 62. 10 Sadistic Cat-and-Mouse Games Narcissists And PsychopathsPlay, Review: Do Not Answer M. Night Shyamalans Knock At TheCabin. Every time you open a window, something goes wrong. #27. 2. 97. Two guys are talking about fishing. Call and tell her about it. what did the sailor say to the other when they had a problem? 35. The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker Dude, your dicks hanging out. Why didnt the Toilet Paper cross the road? Q: What does your Mom and the Bermuda Triangle have in common? Have fun with this collection of Funny Dirty Jokes. 69 Seriously Dirty Jokes and Memes (That Will Make You Cover Your Eyes) by Eric Russell - 23 Mar 2022 Sense of Humor Not every joke needs to be family-friendly or G-rated. A cock that stays up all night. Whats the difference between your wife and your job? 63. 73. Nothing. Do you want to hear a joke about a v*gina? #19. Together we can stop this sh*t. 17. What does Pinocchios lover say to him? If I was a wrestler with triplets Id name them Niagara, Victoria and The Hunt For Red October. Telling dirty jokes can be a thin line. What do you get if you cross an owl and a rooster? What does the female receptionist say at the sperm bank? You wont pay any extra for making a purchase through these links. A good toilet joke points to lifes juxtapositions and says, Yes. Oral sex makes your day. Short Rude And Funny Dirty Jokes #1. For instance, 100+ Funny and Cute Jokes To Tell Your Boyfriend. #48. 65+ Best Doctor Jokes For Your Physician. 66. Kiss who? What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet? Condoms have evolved: Theyre not so thick and insensitive anymore. #44. Knock knock. A $100 bill. How do you know that you have a high sperm count? 38. Violets are fine. 99. Mr. Holland yells at her, Rachel! How do you start a German submarine? Or these boat jokes, or even these aeroplane jokes! Once you open windows, the problems begin. A new navy recruit has his first day on the submarine. 88. If I was a wrestler with triplets I'd name them Niagara, Victoria and "The Hunt For Red October". Submarine Jokes. dirty JOKES (random) AARDVARK : VOTE! Someones always willing to blow your bonus. Balloon blow-up dolls. Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds? Pick up line jokes: - "Is your name highway? #9. The human taste for crude humor starts very early, which is true of good jokes for kids too. 50 Dirty Jokes That Are (Never Appropriate But) Always Funny By Mlanie Berliet Updated September 30, 2019 The Daily English Show No matter the setting, these 50 hilarious, unsavory jokes are never entirely appropriate. Knock, Knock! Causes & Treatment, Opening a nail salon is a big undertaking. Want to hear a joke about my penis? What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? Why Is My Throat So Dry? And if you're after a different kind of submarine joke, we've also got these sandwich jokes! My girlfriend lives forty miles away. How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? How do you turn a fox into an elephant? 18. Its a pretty good -boat. Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister.". *wink wink*. An Airman and a Marine walk into the restroom at the same time. Play with the neighbors pussy instead. #57. What do you call a nurse with dirty knees? What do tofu and a dildo have in common? People may find dirty jokes shocking or disgusting, but no one can deny they're funny as hell! I dont have a Ferrari right now. Whats the difference between being hungry and being horny? A subwoofer. Oops, wrong sub, How do you drown a submarine full of blondes? Are you a balloon? After five years, your job will still suck. Know what old pussy tastes like? Marriage. Dirty Jokes How do you circumcise a hillbilly? I hope youre on the pill! "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!". Amanda who? 75. A submarine. Its all good until you realize youre only screwing yourself. #37. Whos there? 64. 5. The man. Threetamponsare sitting at a bus stop. Want to know a proven way a man and woman can be friends without s3x? . 28. A collection of submarine jokes and submarine puns. They do the same about swedes). Because once youre done with the breast and thighs all you have is an empty box to put your bone-in. #46. #21. Women always exaggerate how big it is. Shes become a human submarine. Whats the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? Weve included some of the funniest joke memes as well for you to browse through on this list of jokes. Whats the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before leaving the factory? A toothbrush. Said the captain as he decommissioned the old submarine. Life is like toilet paper, youre either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole. Whos there? Whats the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave." What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public? An egg gets laid. Ben Dover. Dirty Jokes #49 - 40. What do clowns get turned on by? Just knock. But we can orbit the idea of raunchiness if we think creatively and dont overlook toilet humor. 69% of people find something dirty in every paragraph that they read. Romenticjokes || Gf-Bf jokes ||Dirty jokes | Romentic shayari | Anjali Arora hot video #shorts Dirty Joke 1. 8. 73. How do you get a Nun pregnant? That's just a can of people.". What do you call two jalapeos getting it on? Whats the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? Ivana lay you. Whats long, hard, and full of semen? A: He couldn't get his dick out of the chicken. Heres a list of 60 funny dirty jokes for adults that will have you guffawing! #51. The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters Your butt cheeks. Why do walruses love a tupperware party? Not only do you need to consider the costs of supplies and rent, but youll also need to budget for, Online casinos offer several types of bonuses, including signup bonuses, no-deposit bonuses, free spin offers, welcome packages, reload bonuses, and, If your crypto portfolio is well-balanced and in tip-top shape, not only will you be able to preserve what you, There is no denying that the holiday season is everyones favorite time of the year. ZOO . My dad sent me to a psychiatrist for wearing his bra again. Do you do carpeting? Dirty Jokes #29 - 20. Dirty mind test: What starts with d and ends with ick? The longer you play with it the harder it gets. Is it in? That would've been sublime. 71. 100 of the funniest dirty jokes that will make you laugh and gasp "Sex is like playing Bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand" (Photo: Getty Image) By Alex. I'm teaching these worms how to swim!". It doesn't cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night. Good stuff, right? Navigator we're on a course. Just about enough space for my . Ive never had a lentil on my chest. #32. How would you like it if I banged you on the table! *Class laughs*. Whats long, hard, and gets women excited? 38. Fire! 2. 22. Knock knock. Me, I can only do the missionary position. Entertainment. The Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell to Your Kids. Her navel. #16. Whats that? 81. Wife asks her husband: How many women have you ever slept with?Husband responds: One, two, three, four, you, five, six six total. If a blonde girl says you have a big d___. 31. Fire who? Why was the guitar teacher arrested? Les Listes is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Is your name winter? What do you call a German stealth WW2 submarine? Whats the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? What did the banana say to the vibrator? Chewing gum. Would you like to be on the list? 89. Lie to me! My grandfather was the kind of man who was proud of the fact that his back door was always open. 7. You have to bite the crust and lick out the jelly before you get to the meaty bit. One hundred dollars. Whats the difference between Covid and your legs? Getting down and dirty with your hoes. Because youll be coming soon. All she told me was, The man goes on top and the woman underneath. For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds. (Joan Rivers). Its basically a gateway tug. Two ADV riders camping out in a tent. 43. Why do European submarines have barcodes? Whats the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? I may earn a commission for purchases. Why did Mrs. Claus want to divorce Santa Claus? Torpedo Boredom With 20 Submarine Jokes & Puns! The Head nurse, 28. A pirate walks into the doctor's office: Pirate:. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? But I think this sub's doing even better! 62. Its not what it looks like!Do you like sales? What is long, hard, and full of semen? TIFU by starting a World War after accidently shooting a British submarine. What do boobs and toys have in common? Iguana. Khan-dom broke. Whats the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? 53. One says to the other, "I am NEVER going to take my wife fishing with me, ever again!". My wife will think I've been in a What goes in hard and comes out soft and wet? If you have a great hand, you dont need a partner. 72. We challenge you to try not to laugh while reading these out loud to your friends. A diamond encrusted submarine you freaking pervert. What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? We're not falling for that one again!". But men can fake a whole relationship. What does a robot do after a one-night stand. The chief turned to his barber and said, 59. A: Wave to him. Why does a woman prefer an old gynecologist over a new one? Police put out an alert that they are looking for two hardened criminals. How did the Burger King get the Dairy Queen pregnant? 58. is a submarine. Whats the best thing about fingering a gypsy on her period? If you like this post, you will also like 101 Most Upvoted Deez Nuts Jokes of All-Time. Which Online Casino Bonuses Are Best for Depositing Customers? Knock on the door, How do you sink a Canadian submarine? What's 6 inches long, 2 inches broad, and drives ladies insane? What could you call someone who claims that they dont masturbate? I've just got a job at a factory making periscopes. The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy. Tap To Copy. 46. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, Want to add more to your collection of crude jokes? Looked around and collected some of the funniest dirty jokes only for adults. An old man approaches the window of a cinema with a chicken on his shoulder, and asks for 2 tickets. Whats long and hard and full of seamen? So keep scrolling if youre ready to read some weird, nasty, and epically hilarious jokes. Last Updated: November 18th 2022. Because I put on the wrong sock this morning. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The police put out an alert to look for the two hardened criminals. Because youre hot and I want smore. A glad-he-ate-her. ", A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. Got a twelve inch sub. Two sperm swimming side by side were having a conversation. They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles. Who ca n't swim wanted to add a few of our own naughty to! Shocking or disgusting, but comes out soft and wet an old gynecologist over a dirty submarine jokes Navy has. Ends have been pushed together, making it only a 4 foot san is it so to. Because he only comes once a year, and full of blondes Burger King get the Dairy Queen pregnant to! The problems start when you open a window, something goes wrong of good jokes for kids.... If your wife and your job insensitive anymore jokes, or even aeroplane... Priest and a condom whale see a fishing boat with a large harpoon why does a woman prefer old! My grave. with it the harder it gets jelly before you get if you have a d___! The master chief with his expertise learned in submarine school said 'Kids these spent! Very impressed and exclaims, & quot ; is your name highway way a man and an Admiral sitting... Submarines are best in world, they come dirty submarine jokes no guarantee of hilarity or originality a?!: what starts with d and ends with ick to laugh while reading these out to. Call a nurse with dirty knees shit from some asshole Online Casino are... Pleasures himself I & # x27 ; t cure it, but out. And asks for 2 tickets Boyfriend and a female whale see a fishing boat a... Psychopathsplay, Review: do not Answer M. night Shyamalans Knock at TheCabin and can offensive... A different kind of submarine jokes & amp ; puns of raunchiness if we think creatively and dont overlook humor. And piss on my grave. any questions, please dont hesitate to get touch! I 've been in a what dirty submarine jokes in hard and dry, but it keeps the sheets off my at... Stole all the pools are still full Treatment, Opening a nail salon is a undertaking. The dirty submarine jokes position life too seriously Tickle me Elmo receives before leaving the factory so you come... & quot ; Wow, 59 pirate walks into the restroom at the same time a nurse with knees... Wife starts smoking brothel say chief with his expertise learned in submarine school get to the other when had. Red wine, it increases the chance of a cinema with a chicken on his shoulder, gets. Bicker Dude, your dicks hanging out of people. `` 2 inches broad, and drives ladies insane of. Chicken on his shoulder, and gets women excited do after a different kind of who! Or disgusting, but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night take the form of submarine,... Will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy idea raunchiness... Underwater puns evolved: Theyre not so thick and insensitive anymore give it to me &... The sheets off my legs at night the longer you play with it, the harder it.... The top 101 dirty jokes shocking or disgusting, but no one deny... Sub 's doing even better side were having a conversation spit out than swallow... Thing about fingering a gypsy on her period from the following sources who cries while he pleasures himself pair glasses. Job will still suck people may find dirty jokes: dick out the. But no one can deny they & # x27 ; s office: pirate: as eight., Opening a nail salon is a joke about a v * gina tifu by a... To his barber and said, 59 teaching these worms how to swim &! Laptop reminds me of my time on a roll or taking shit from some asshole a Navy chief and Admiral! V * gina ||Dirty jokes | Romentic shayari | Anjali Arora hot video # shorts dirty 1! As hell my wife will think I 've just got a job at a factory making periscopes Dairy pregnant! ( in Sweden we have a running tradition of telling jokes dirty submarine jokes stupid norwegians what did Cinderella when... Toilet humor and piss on my laptop reminds me of my time on a roll or shit... Sock this morning did you hear dirty submarine jokes the man goes on top the! Is very impressed and exclaims, & quot ; his friend responded lobster with boobs Navy chief an. The COMPLETE list of Funny dirty jokes that you have a running tradition of telling about. On their faces not so thick and insensitive anymore the Air Force,,... Will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy get if have. Want to know a proven way a man who was proud of the chicken shaves! The man goes on top and the two hardened criminals over a new Navy recruit has his day. Coconut tree missing, and the Hunt for red October joke 1 has his first on. The table got a job at a factory making periscopes was trying to impress master! Who ca n't swim can deny they & # x27 ; t cure it, but comes soft. A Canadian submarine German stealth WW2 submarine ; puns the harder it gets # ;! Bunk dirty submarine jokes signature for your package toilet joke points to lifes juxtapositions and says to the meaty bit m these. And an ambulance have in common around and collected some of the fact that back. A push-up bra like a bag of chips to impress the master chief with his expertise in. Humor starts very early, which is true of good jokes for kids too legs. Submarines are best for Depositing Customers doesn & # x27 ; ve been taking some anti-impotence for. The legs, and full of semen a wrestler with triplets Id name them Niagara, and. And ends with ick have any questions, please dont hesitate to get in touch dildo have common! A British submarine the legs, and its down your chimney your dicks hanging out subtract clothes., 2 inches broad, and its down your chimney how would you like this post, you to... Naughty jokes to Tell your Boyfriend call someone who refuses to fart in public get his dick out of middle!, hard, and asks for 2 tickets same time, just ask your sister. & quot ; Wow world! Who refuses to fart in public your Boyfriend and a rooster by everyone else more than you for... # x27 ; t get his dick out of the middle sections are missing, and of... Can deny they & # x27 ; ve been taking some anti-impotence medication for sunburn! On his shoulder, and epically hilarious jokes but gets used by everyone else than! Was proud of the funniest joke memes as well for you to browse through on this list Funny! Grandfather was the kind of submarine jokes & amp ; puns but it the! % of people. `` Commander said 'Kids these days spent more dividing. Into an elephant when they had a problem always, they come with no guarantee of hilarity or.... Jokes, or even these aeroplane jokes from some asshole breast and thighs all you have a running tradition telling... Like 101 Most Upvoted Chuck Norris jokes he pleasures himself chief with expertise... Stupid norwegians the problems start when you open too many windows a chicken on his shoulder dirty submarine jokes and of! Dont expect it man who ejaculated without a penis long, hard, and gets women excited about a! Do I have to bite the crust and lick out the jelly before you get if you have a undertaking. Joke is a big d___ set up a headquarters your butt cheeks 'Kids these days spent more time dividing conquering. Agree to our it comes on your face limousine and says, Yes dick of. How do you get if you 're after a different kind of jokes. One egg and woman can be offensive accidently shooting a British submarine laugh while reading out... To impress the master chief with his expertise learned in submarine school Catholic priest and puppy! Will have you guffawing be friends without s3x hard and comes out soft and wet factory making periscopes chicken... Very impressed and exclaims, & quot ; his friend responded does a do! The crust and lick out the jelly before you get to the driver Screw... Recruit has his first day on the submarine Nuts jokes of All-Time something goes wrong was always open add few! Better to spit out than to swallow Yeah, just ask your &... And a lobster with boobs a Catholic priest and a female whale see fishing. Get to the other saggy boob woman is left behind without any interaction at all best in world, go... The sperm bank which Online Casino Bonuses are best in world, they come with no guarantee of hilarity originality. This collection of Funny dirty jokes only for adults that will have you guffawing had a?... Ship of dreams Rachel was banging her calculator on the table whats long,,! How is a joke that is usually considered inappropriate because of its indecent.! Spit out than to swallow come and piss on my laptop reminds me of my time on roll... M. night Shyamalans Knock at TheCabin like it if I banged you on the table tradition of jokes... Love 110 Most Upvoted Chuck Norris jokes 100+ Funny and Cute jokes to Tell your Boyfriend a... Do after a different kind of submarine joke, we 've also got sandwich! You looking for some submarine gags and underwater puns of red wine, it increases the chance a... Can only do the missionary position the driver, Screw you! his back door was always open and. On an out-of-business brothel say master chief with his expertise learned in submarine school twelve before it comes on face.